Ultimate Pokemon Rap Battles
by BlastyMusic
Summary: These are the Ultimate Pokemon Rap Battles! I've worked really hard on them so I hope you enjoy them! Suggestions needed!
1. Chapter 1

ULTIMATE POKEMON RAP BATTLES!

PROBOPASS...

VERSUS...

HITMONCHAN!

BEGIN!

**Hitmonchan: **KEE-YAW!

PUNCH YOUR JAW!

YOU'RE GONNA GET MAULED!

It looks like Donkey Kong took a bath in your nose!

I've boxed my way through tons of dudes! An Easter Island Head? What kinda foe

Are you supposed to be? I don't even know!

Join the circus, ugly, you can be Bozo!

And your hat? Ugh, man. It's so out of fashion!

You fight with Mini-Noses, and I fight with passion!

I'll hold my fists up, give you a lesson in Kung-Fu.

Prepare yourself, Rocky, I'll give you a one-two!

**Probopass: **I've heard all this before, you're nothing new to me.

You can't even pack Beedrill's sting, let alone float like a Butterfree!

You look like Kim Jong-Un cut his hair with a lawnmower.

Your original sprite looked like Togekiss watching a dump from Doduo.

I can't believe you're always male! You're one big sissy!

You wear women's shoes and a dress! And your dress is extra frizzy.

If I were a Tyrogue, I'd try to raise my Defense!

So I wouldn't have to evolve into you! Think of the immense

Misery and despair, knowing you'd turned into a female wreck!

In Red and Blue, no one chose you! You could faint from a Peck!

**Hitmonchan: **I'm such a boss, I was named after Jackie Chan!

And just look at my entry! I punch faster than a bullet train!

Even your Mini Nose's noses must weigh at least a ton!

You're in a hairy situation, if you'd just excuse my pun.

**Probopass: **You seem to need a break after fighting for three minutes.

I'll drag this battle out, so it'll be impossible for you to win it.

I may be weak to you, but I've got Sturdy!

Every single one of your stats is below 130!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

Please suggest new battles!


	2. Chapter 2: Dragonite VS Lapras

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF POKEMON!

DRAGONITE!

VERSUS!

LAPRAS!

BEGIN!

**Dragonite: **Look where you are! You're in the Dragon's Den, geek.

It's here that you'll face your demise.

Check out that Speed! It's disgusting and atrocious!

I'm a Dragon with immense Attack, that makes me ferocious.

Fly high, above the sky, whatcha gonna do?

Then I dive, you die, smash you 'til you're black and blue.

You're a Loch Ness monster with a shell the size of Regigigas.

Well, Battle Armor's not allowed, I'm ready to kick ***.

**Lapras: **Your stats are high, like your designers were.

You're Dragon/Flying, weak to Ice Beam, ready to get served.

But that little squirt of cold is merely the hors d'oeuvre.

This Dragon'll get hit with my attacks, and then he'll hit the dirt.

Taste some shell, cause your body's about to be splattered.

You're royal, like Diana, I'll turn you into gore matter.

Let's make this a battle to remember, shall we?

I'll use Ice Beam, now, Trainer, Shell Bell me.

**Dragonite: **I didn't think a turtle could be fatter than Blastoise.

But you take the tiny right outta the tortoise.

What are you gonna do? Use Heavy Slam?

Maybe Heat Crash too? Make some Dragonite ham?

Hah, you wish, but you couldn't jump a hurdle.

So come on, put the "snap" in snapping turtle.

**Lapras: **A: I'm the Loch Ness monster, not a tortoise.

B: I've got Block, so don't Roar this.

C: My Ice is cold, like my raps.

D: You look like Magikarp crapped.

My Blizzard will melt on your chest.

Leave your whole body blue, your whole family at best.

You were switched with Gyarados, it's obvious.

When it comes to Iris' Pokemon, you're definitely snobbiest.

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

This battle was suggested by Gaige's Peppy Sweetheart. Thanks, Gaige! Please keep the suggestions coming!

NEXT BATTLE: Kangaskhan VS. Hariyama


	3. Chapter 3: Kangaskhan VS Hariyama

ULTIMATE POKEMON RAP BATTLES!

KANGASKHAN!

VERSUS!

HARIYAMA!

BEGIN!

**Kangaskhan: **Come on, son, let's use Parental Bond.

To beat this big, fat, dressed-up blonde.

Seriously, though, you're a pig in a skirt!

You're like 500 pounds! Dude, put on a shirt!

I protect my kid, all day, all night.

You just like to eat, an average white.

Your hands are the size and shape of baseball mitts.

And your thighs are too fat to allow you to sit.

I'm always female, so how do I give birth?

You're too young to understand, but your body still shakes the earth.

I'm a kangaroo, hippity hop.

Your legs are like balloons, pippity pop.

Come on baby, let's burn that fat!

**Hariyama: **Welcome to the lair of the solid hunk of muscle.

I wouldn't be talking wait if I were you, go Hustle.

Burn off that weight, mine's muscle, not fat.

You say you're a kangaroo, but you look like Grumpy Cat.

While you're busy hanging out with the PTA

I'm trucking down 'Mons like GTA

And I won't hesitate to call the FDA

If you try to feed that milk to your baby, hey,

I've got an idea! Let's have a boxing match!

You just went down! SmellingSalts! Rematch!

You can't take me! I'm hard as a rock!

You think you're so tough, but you can't even beat Brock!

**Kangaskhan: **You can't find your way out of Dewford's Cave.

But I'm in Kalos, find me in Glittering Cave.

Get outta the dress, and into reality.

And your disgustingly low stats are quite the oddity.

**Hariyama: **Sheesh, talk about overprotective, don't slouch!

You're crushing your child that lives in your pouch!

You top helicopter parents by far, that's too extreme!

Having your kid live literally attached to you? Obscene!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

This battle was suggested by, um, BlastyMusic (me). But I'm still accepting suggestions.

NEXT BATTLE: Infernape VS. Blaziken


End file.
